Positive Behaviour Support Strategies for Parents: A Practical Guide
When you are parenting a child with a disability or developmental delay, managing challenging behaviour can often feel like a full-time job. Whether it is refusing to get dressed, hitting siblings, or having meltdowns in the supermarket, these behaviours can leave parents feeling exhausted and overwhelmed.
The good news is that you do not need a degree in psychology to make a difference. The principles of Positive Behaviour Support (PBS) can be adapted for everyday use at home.
At Behaviour Bridge, Julianne Shepley, a Positive Behaviour Support Practitioner in Perth, empowers parents with practical, evidence-based tools. In this guide, we will share some of the most effective PBS strategies you can start using today to bring more peace to your household.
1. Shift Your Mindset: Behaviour is Communication
The most powerful strategy in PBS is not a technique; it is a mindset shift.
When your child is engaging in challenging behaviour, it is easy to think they are being “naughty,” “defiant,” or “manipulative.” This mindset naturally leads to frustration and a desire to punish the behaviour.
Instead, try to view the behaviour as communication. Ask yourself: “What is my child trying to tell me right now?”
Are they saying:
– “I’m overwhelmed by this noise.”
– “I don’t understand what you want me to do.”
– “I’m tired and hungry.”
– “I want your attention, even if it’s negative attention.”
When you view behaviour as communication, your response shifts from punishment to problem-solving. You start looking for ways to help them communicate that need more effectively.
2. Focus on the “Antecedents” (What Happens Before)
In PBS, we look at the ABCs of behaviour: Antecedent (what happens before), Behaviour (what the child does), and Consequence (what happens after).
Parents often spend all their energy on the Consequence—trying to figure out the right punishment or reward to stop the behaviour. However, the most effective way to change behaviour is to change the Antecedent. If you can change the environment or the trigger, the behaviour never has to happen.
Practical ways to change antecedents:
– Use Visuals: If your child struggles with verbal instructions, use a visual schedule. Show them a picture of breakfast, then a picture of getting dressed.
– Give Warnings: If your child hates transitioning away from the iPad, give them a 5-minute, 2-minute, and 1-minute warning before it is time to turn it off. Use a visual timer so they can see the time ticking down.
– Reduce Demands: If your child has a PDA profile or is highly anxious, reduce the number of direct demands you place on them. Instead of “Put your shoes on,” try “I wonder who can put their shoes on the fastest?”
3. Teach Replacement Skills
If your child is using challenging behaviour to get a need met, you cannot just tell them to stop. You have to teach them a better way to get that same need met. This is called a “replacement skill.”
For example, if your child hits you when they want a toy, their goal is to get the toy. If you just say “No hitting,” they still do not know how to get the toy.
Instead, teach them to point to the toy, use a sign, or say the word “toy.” Crucially, when they use the new skill, you must reward it immediately by giving them the toy. This teaches them that the new skill works much better than hitting.
4. Catch Them Being Good
It is human nature to ignore children when they are playing quietly and only pay attention when they start acting up. But if a child learns that the only way to get your attention is to misbehave, they will continue to misbehave.
Make a conscious effort to “catch them being good.” Praise them for the small things:
– “I love how gently you are playing with your brother.”
– “Thank you for putting your plate in the sink.”
– “You did a great job waiting patiently while I was on the phone.”
Specific, positive praise is one of the most powerful tools for shaping behaviour.
5. Manage Your Own Regulation
This is often the hardest strategy for parents to implement, but it is the most important.
Children, especially autistic children, are incredibly sensitive to the emotional state of the adults around them. If you are stressed, anxious, or angry, your child will pick up on that energy, and their behaviour will likely escalate. This is known as “co-escalation.”
Conversely, if you can remain calm, grounded, and regulated, you can help bring your child’s nervous system back down. This is called “co-regulation.”
When your child’s behaviour starts to escalate, take a deep breath. Lower your voice. Move slowly. Remind yourself that your child is having a hard time, not giving you a hard time. Your calm presence is the anchor they need to feel safe.
When to Get Professional Help
Implementing these strategies takes time, patience, and consistency. It is normal to have good days and bad days.
However, if your child’s behaviour is causing significant stress, impacting their safety, or preventing your family from participating in everyday activities, it is time to seek professional support.
If your child has an NDIS plan, you may be able to access funding for a registered Positive Behaviour Support Practitioner. They can conduct a Functional Behaviour Assessment and develop a tailored Behaviour Support Plan specifically for your family.
How Behaviour Bridge Can Help
At Behaviour Bridge, we know that parents are doing the best they can in often difficult circumstances. We do not judge; we support.
Julianne Shepley provides compassionate, practical Positive Behaviour Support services for families across Perth. We work collaboratively with you to understand your child’s unique needs and develop strategies that actually work in your home environment.
Need practical strategies tailored to your child? Contact Behaviour Bridge today to discuss how Julianne Shepley and our Positive Behaviour Support services in Perth can support your family.
